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Friday, February 10, 2006

Are You Crazy?

No seriously are you crazy? The older I get the more I realize that everyone is a little crazy or is that like being a little pregnant? I'll put it like this, everyone has issues and baggage.

Let's talk about mental health tonight. Mental health is something that Black folks don't like to talk about or deal with. In a lot of our minds mental issues = a weak person. Well, I'm here to tell you that that is not the case. I've always considered myself a rock and I've always thought there wasn't much I couldn't handle. I also thought that whatever was bothering me I could get pass it with time, but with a few things that wasn't the case.

Looking back over my life I've always suffered from Generalized Anxiety and Panic Attacks. I even think I have a touch of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, lawd knows I've been through enough to be afflicted. I've spoken about my panic attacks and anxiety before, those that read frequently know what I went through before I had my surgery. After a really bad panic attack a couple years ago I decided to seek help for my anxiety. I got tired of always feeling like my stomach was in a knot and feeling on edge. My therapist was wonderful. She helped me work through a lot of issues and taught me more or less how to control my anxiety and panic attacks. I tried various daily medications, but I didn't like the way the meds made me feel, which is like a Zombie. I don't take daily medication now, I only treat the symptoms of my panic attack. I use relaxation and situation assessment techniquest. Generalized anxiety is spreading quicker than the projected bird flu. I've had two friends this week to suffer from symptoms of anxiety and seek medical attention. I had a few friends that questioned my decision to seek professional help, but I knew that I couldn't go on without help. I also cut back on my caffiene. I really miss my daily crackacino from Starbucks, but I digress.

Well, with my anxiety and panic attacks under control, who knew another mood disorder would pop up in my life, Depression. I've been trying to fight it and pretend that it's not really happening to me. I'm trying to say that I'm just in a slump and I'll feel better soon, but I'm not. I feel like shyt! NOTHING excites me and nothing is interesting. What's exciting to me is sitting on my couch staring at the TV like a zombie. For a minute I enjoyed blogging, but not anymore as you guys can see by my half azz posts. I'm forcing myself to go to the gym and excercise because I'm afraid that if I don't someone will harpoon my azz soon. Hopefully the lost of a real appetite that I've been experiencing lately will help, one meal a day does me fine now. I used to be a three square and three snacks per day person. I've had anti-depression medication since December, I tried it, but it made me sick. They lowered my dose, but I haven't tried it again. The last time I took a psychiatric drug I gained 50lbs, but this one is actually supposed to make you lose weight along with the depression.

I don't know why I'm depressed because I have a very blessed and a very good life. I'm going to start on the meds this weekend. Hopefully it helps along with the exercise. Something has to give.

Posted by Shawn :: 8:13 PM :: 8 Hollered

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