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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Rules of Engagement

Rules of Engagement

Let me say this before you read any further. I’m not a jealous wife and anybody who knows me know that, but don't get it twisted, I will GUT, not cut (I'm taking your insides out) a bytch about my man. With that being said, Ladies and Whores there are rules to follow when engaging contact with another woman’s man, especially if you’re friends with the woman. No one should have to tell you these rules because we are born with them, they are an instinct. There are exceptions to some of the rules, but so few I won’t even list too many of them because I don’t want to confuse anybody. The penalty for violating these rules could be as simples as getting an evil eye, being put on the “I'm watching that bytch list” or as severe as an eastside azz whooping. Since obviously there is one whore out there that doesn’t know. I must school her. Without further ado here they are:

  1. NEVER invite the man anywhere without letting the woman know you’re going to extend the invitation.

  2. NEVER ask the man to for a personal “favor” without asking the woman first.

  3. NEVER ask the man not to “tell” his woman. Unless your azz is planning her surprise party, let there be no secrets between you and another woman’s man.

  4. NEVER let him tell you a secret. Unless you’re helping him pick out a ring, there is no need for anything secretive to be shared between the two of you.

  5. NEVER visit a woman’s house when she’s not there. I don’t care how cool you and her man are, if you and the man don’t have the same blood running through your veins, don’t have your azz up in her house.

  6. NEVER put your hands on your girl’s man unless is a hello or goodbye hug. He doesn’t need your azz to fix his collar, button his shirt or pick lent out of his hair.

  7. NEVER drop it like it’s hot if he asks you to dance. You don’t need to pull out your stripper girl moves if he asks you to dance. He probably just asked you to dance because your azz was sitting there looking lonely.

  8. NEVER say anything negative about his woman to him. He doesn’t need you to tell him Brenda is getting fat. He sees her big azz everyday.

  9. NEVER walk around saying “Bob tried to talk to me first”. So fuggin what! Who’s with him now? You missed out and get over it.

  10. NEVER think your friend or acquaintance won’t get pissed if you break 1-9.

The penalty for all OFFENSES is doubled if the man is married.

Do you disagree with me or have a comment?

Posted by Shawn :: 6:07 PM :: 30 Hollered

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Since We're On The Subject (Sorta)

I got a few more tips for the clueless women out there. Here’s my tip on how not to get caught up with someone else’s man. Here’s how to ask the right questions to find out if the man is married or not. Questions 1-7 are from my girl Shadow. She’s one the smartest women I know, actually she comes from a group of the smartest women I know, the Eurwebbers. Shouts out to Renay, TLC, C10, AKG, Tonya, Cladia, and my big brutha DalTee. Let’s get back to the list I get teary eyed when I talk about my cyber family.

1) Are you married? It's either yes or no. Yes or no. There's no "Well...I'm in the process of..." No, you're either married or you’re not.
2) Do you have a girlfriend?
3) Is there anyone who thinks she's your girlfriend?
4) Are you in a committed relationship?
5) Is there anyone who thinks she's in a committed relationship withyou?
6) Do you have any kids?
7) Does the mother of your kids think that she's in a relationship with you?
8)Do you have a roommate, that think you’re more than roommates?
9) Are you gay or bisexual?
10) Is there anything that you think I should know about you and somebody else?
11) Can I call your house?

Type this up and make him sign it! LOL

____________ _________ ___ __________
Signature Witness Date

Posted by Shawn :: 6:05 PM :: 0 Hollered

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Lady Sings The Blues

Yes ladies and gentlemen tonight is a feature night!! Tonight I'm honoring or bashing, whatever you want to call it, the ORIGINGAL diva Ms. Diana Ross. Diana was the first non-singing singer and paved the way for many other singers who can't really sing. Like who you say? Janet Jackson, Ashanti, Ciarra, to name a few. I've always like Diana because I can't sang either, but I can sing Endless Love or Muscles and sound good. Diana has also been inspiration to many drag queens including Michael Jackson. So I don't care how many titties she grab, arrest, or people she beat down, she'll always be my girl.

They released Lady Sings the Blues on DVD recently (let me go add to my Amazon Wish List) and of course Diana was there in all her early 80s glamour.

Those teeth Mr. Ross are not befitting of a Diva of your stature. I know you got money girl, you married a gazillionaire and he's dead too! Let's get crackin on the teeth whitening or at least purchase some Crest White Strips.

What a nice picture, the Diva and some of children. Ross is her oldest son and he's on the left, he's her son by the rich greek shippind dud. Then there's her daughter Chudney, who's Tracee Ellis full sister (can't you see the resemblence?), and on the end that's Evan little cute self who is Ross's full brother. Call me Evan if you need an "Auntie".

Ross, Chudney, and Evan
Chudney is a model. I don't particulary remember ever seeing her in anything. Hell I forgot she even existed. Diana sure made sure her daughters got those eyes, at least Chudney has nice legs.
I thought it was only fair that I showed Diana's other daughters. This is from the Essence Magazine shoot a years or so ago. Tracee and Diana looked awesome. I absolutely loved the spread of them two, it was very nice. I'm going to have to do something like that with my daughter.
And this is Diana's only all Black child Rhonda. Although she looks a lot like her mother, she didn't play her in the Tempation movie, she played somebody else. Diana walked her down the aisle on her wedding day. I wonder why her dadd Berry Gordy didn't do it?

I couldn't complete this thread without showing Diana with Berry Gordy. He really hasn't age much, except the gray hair. Do y'all remember when Billy Dee Williams was the SHYT? Well I don't! I'm much too young for that.....LOL

Posted by Shawn :: 6:58 PM :: 0 Hollered

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Gabrielle Union Birthday Party

Well after all the controversy Gabby finally had her birthday party earlier this month. She and her hair stylist Kyhia celebrated together. As you can see from the pictures it turned out to be quite the affair. Y'all know she aint my favorite person so let's get to it.

Gabby and soon to be ex-husband Chris Howard an what looks like an awkward embrace. Damn her edges are nappy.

Gabby posing with my girl Tamala Jones. I don't recognize the guy on the end.

Gabby looking nice and skanky in this pose.

Gabby and her hair stylist Kyhia. Why don't hairdresser comb their own heads?
I admit, this is a nice pic.
I might have the folks in this picture wrong. I know that's Essence Atkins in the red hat and Megan Goode in the bunny ears. I want to say that's Maia Campbell on the end, but I'm not sure. I know that she doesn't get along Megan.
I don't know who any of these woman are, but they look good and toasted by now.
Kyhia and some friends, I guess.

This is where it get's confusing for me. Why the fugg did they have female strippers at a woman's birthday party. I did hear rumors, but I'm not going to go there. Y'all already know.
Is that a woman tipping? Alrighty then!

Posted by Shawn :: 5:15 PM :: 1 Hollered

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

I Really Hope Y'all

Appreciate this post!!! Blogger was acting a straight damn fool on me, but I preserved. It's getting late and enough of my bytchin and moanin.

The Williams sisters have jungle fever big time and aint damn thing wrong with it. If I could have Brad Pitt right now this very second I would be down with it. I still have dreams about his fine azz, but I digress. This post aint about my perverted dreams, it's about the Williams sisters.

Venus looks happy and content. This dude used to be her bodyguard so he definitely got a promotion.

I'm not for certain if this is Serena's man or not, but rumors says it is. She looks quite happy and at ease with him I'd say.

Yeah, it must be love he's carrying her pink bag for her.

The Diamond Princess and Little Weezy are really a couple huh? I'll try and get used to the idea. Trina actually looks cute in this picture and Lil Wayne just looks, um well....

Toni Braxton single the national anthem. I purchased her CD for$6 on Black Friday and I'm talking about her new one. I don't know why Toni fell off like she did. Was it because she got married and had babies? She still sings the same and look the same. Hell she even stripped down to almost nothing and the girl can't sell a CD for shyt. Why aint y'all buying Toni's CDs?

Y'all thought I was full of shyt when I said that Elise Neal should play Karrine Superhead Steffans. Look at this picture of her, on here they look like they could be twins. Bill Maher is in Black heaven stand between beauty and the freak and I'm not talking about my girl Halle.

Spike Lee and Rick Fox taking in a basketball game. Rick is definitely NOT fine. He reminds me of Herman the monster.

Why is Pretty Ricky taking a picture with Eddie Murphy?

Luda and Big Boi at a bowling fundraiser that took place on Thanksgiving in Atlanta. I don't know how they did it. Once my azz ate all I could do was roll over.

Lenny Kravitz and his very Lisa Bonet looking daughter, Zoe.

I didn't know they made those boots for men.

Kimora Lee and her beautiful daughters Ming Lee and Aoki Lee. I know a lot of y'all don't like Kimora, but I do. How can you hate the woman who bought us Baby Phat?

Uggghhh!!!! I just don't like Keisha Cole! She is definitely H.A.M.

I'm sure Jessica Simpson won't be lonely for too long now that her Nick have separated. I hope she knows Nick will not be single for too long because he is a cutie! I wonder if her career will fall off? I didn't know who she was until Newlyweds.

Monica and her new husband. I'm sleepy and I forgot his name, but dude has a weird azz mustache.

Monica and Chris Tucker at the Thanksgiving Bowl A Thon. I'm so glad that Chris signed on to do Rush Hour 3, but he might have to lose a couple. He looks a little chunky.
Brad could you be my daddy?

Little Zahara and Brad at the airport in Japan. How cute!

This picture of Bow Wow and Ciarra cracks me up. I wonder what he's thinking?

This should be my version of "Caption This Photo". On this picture you can tell exactly how much weight Star has lost. Wow!!

The commercialization of Baby Biggie has begun!! He's modeling Roca Wear and not Sean John though. I know that Biggie and Jay Z were friends, but I didn't think Puffy would pass up this cash cow. I wonder can he rap? Interesting....
Ashanti on the set her new video. More proof that love makes you fat and happy.
Ashanti and Paul Walls filming her video
Beyonce has the camera ready smile doesn't she. She can turn it on at a moments notice and it's always the same smile.
Taraji Henson was the last person on earth that I thought would take this picture. Not a good look girl!!! What does Common thing about this?

Posted by Shawn :: 10:21 PM :: 2 Hollered

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Jackson Family Values

Let's face it, the Jacksons are Black royalty and we always want to see them come out on top.

Janet is still working it out and trying to shed those extra pounds. It looks like she's channeling her inner Justice by looking at those big braids. What would Tupac think?
Just for the record Janet it's hard to lose weight when you're happy and in love girl. Love makes you fat and that's a fact!

Michael Jackson took the family on a trip to London recently. MJ's nanny, Grace Rwarmba, is holding little Paris.

I see he still has The Nation guarding him.

Michael looks very old and decrepit. He's getting that crypt keeper look going on.

It looks like Mike is wearing a Kabbalah bracelet. I wonder how that is going to fly since he's been living in a Muslim country and Kabbalah is from the Jewish religion. Interesting.....

Posted by Shawn :: 9:38 PM :: 1 Hollered

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