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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

What About Your Friends?

When I was in my twenties I was very particular about meeting new female friends. I had been burned so much by other females when I was in my late teens/ early twenties that I had pretty much given up on women as friends all together, perhaps I'll tell the stories one day. Most of my friends in my twenties were males or my family. I did manage to meet two women that I consider my best friends, even my sisters during my twenties, but I definitely didn't take to them too quickly. I happened to work with them for six years and the friendships built gradually.

Within the last few years I've been open and even persued friendships with females. Most of the recent (last five years) friendships have been successful because I've learned to follow some rules.

Here are my rules for picking friends/associates or whatever people want to call them.
1. Are they close to their families? Does their mother like them?
2. Do they have female friends already?
3. Do we have similar goals and ideology? Diversity is great, but you have to have something in common.
4. Are they clingy? (This is a very important one for me)
5. Don't speak on their man. Unless that man is beating the shyt out of them my lips are sealed unless of course they ask me. Now if you ask I'm more than willing to give my two cents....LOL. I really don't care if they listen or not, I just like sharing my opinion. When you start caring you're asking for trouble. I can't get caught up in anyone's business but my own.
(It's funny, I'm not like that with my male friends. I'll give them my two dollars worth on their females...LOL. They don't take it like women.)

Here are my rules for keeping them.
1. Mind my own business. It's ok to discuss each others problems and challenges (believe me I will give my two cents), but once a person has made up their minds. I let them be at peace with their decision even if it's not the decision I would have made.
2. Let that person be themselves. The worst thing is to be around a person and feel like you can't be yourself. You do you and I'll do me.
3. Be the friend that I want them to be to me.

These three are pretty much all you need. If you go pass that, shyt just gets complicated.

Now I've made bad choices before in picking "friends". One in particular was a disaster. Everyone hated this particular girl and I always root for the underdog. Although this girl was annoying as fukk I tried being friendly with her and to make a long story short I got sucked in. She ended up moving to out of state, but later made a play for my husband, which he told me about (perhaps I'll tell this story another time, it really bores me now). My MIL met her once and instantly hated her. She couldn't wait to tell me "I told you so". That was the end of my picking up "strays", never again. Maybe I should let my MIL meet all my friends and let her give them her stamp of

Black women have a history of not being able to get along and being true friends to each other. I think that we can change that perception.

What are you requirement for friendships?
What type of boundaries do you have with your friends?

Posted by Shawn :: 10:30 PM :: 7 Hollered

Holla At Yo Girl!